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Unkle Munky Pg 103
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. ---- This week Munky laments the Dodos... Artist - The Dodos. Song - Fools. *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- Bungle's Barely News. ---- Beyond the Pale. Karl the Goth from Belfast asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my email regarding the reading of my late gran's last will and testament? Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Karl the Goth, I did indeed receive said correspondence. Though the items bequeathed to you by your late gran are admittedly unusual, it is important that you appreciate the spirit in which they were given. I would recommend that you consume the fruit within the next week or so. *Pictured: Karl the Goth from Belfast. His late gran often worried that he wasn't getting enough fruit. ---- Safe Sadomasochistic Sex. Stu from Kirby asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I recently got confused over the 'safe word' that my girlfriend and myself had agreed to use if we felt uncomfortable at any time during our sadomasochistic sex session. I thought the word to make her stop was 'Toblerone', but it appears that I was wrong and that I should have been shrieking 'Telephone!' I now have a triangular shaped anus. Can I make a claim? 'Unkle Munky says -' Oh fer fuck's sake! ---- Nanny States... ---- Spunky Munky. Nigel from Newton Abbot asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am currently developing a sperm fuelled engine. Preliminary tests are looking quite positive. Do you think the world is ready for such a forward thinking concept? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Nigel, The state of the current economic climate leads me to believe that there is indeed a widening market for engines that will run on alternative fuels. Your project sounds most intriguing. Tell me, how many miles are you getting to the litre? Nigel replies - I'm afraid that I am unable to provide any figures at the moment, Unkle Munky. It's proving a bit of a struggle to fill the bugger up if I'm being frank. ''Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) says - You should get yourself over there, Munky. A wanker like you will have it filled to the brim in no time.'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Shut it Mary! ---- UK Munky Gold + 1 TV trailer. Justin Timberlake describes the pain behind the smile in a gritty two part documentary on UK Munky Gold + 1 this coming Friday. *Repeated daily due to limited funds. 'Reviews -' Quite possibly the worst documentary ever produced. ''The Sun.'' It soon became quite obvious that Munky was merely interviewing a cardboard cut-out. ''The Daily Mirror.'' Munky’s obsession with Timberlake’s teeth made for some of the most uncomfortable viewing that I have ever seen. ''Sadomasochistic Weekly.'' Munky can’t interview for shit. ''Amy Knitwear.'' ---- On This Day in History... It was on this day in 1982 that Adam Ant (37) declared himself seriously disinterested. "I remember it as if it were yesterday," said Adam this week in an interview for 'Gardener's Weekly Magazine'. "I'd just finished performing my number one hit single, Prince Charming, and was about to launch into Ant Music when, without a thought for my fans, I simply stopped the band and announced, "I'm just not interested in ants anymore." A stunned public watched in horror as I sat on the edge of the stage and proceeded to read a magazine about gardening. I'd had enough and it was time to move on. I wanted to mow lawns and plant shrubs. I knew I risked ostracising myself, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to realise your dreams." Asked when the best time of year to prune my plants might be, Adam replied - "The best time of year to prune will depend on the plant type, its condition and the desired results. If a plant is damaged, diseased or dead it should receive immediate attention. Light pruning throughout the year to shape a plant should not hurt it, but incorrect pruning will hinder its optimal development and can possibly harm the plant." *''Adam poses with 80's starlet turned gardener Kim Wilde. Other 80's stars who have been bitten by the horticulture bug include Boy George, Howard Jones, Lionel Richie and Limahl from out of Kajagoogoo.'' ---- Bungle's Barely News. ---- Pants. Sandra from Glasgow asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I finally dumped my two-timing boyfriend last week. I have told him that it's over and that I never want to see him again. The problem is, I have left my ipod in his flat. I feel a little foolish and am wondering how I might retrieve said item without actually having to renege on my former statement! 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Sandra, A few years ago I inadvertently left my Batman pants in the bedroom of a two-timing ex. I was desperate to get them back. Like your good self, I had sworn that she would never see me again. I overcame my predicament, however, by disguising myself as Robin and demanding that she return the Superhero's pants without delay. Saving Gotham City, after all, requires considerable testicle support. She wasn't going to make a fool out me again! Sandra replies - Oh fer god's sake! 'Unkle Munky complains -' Could you not have chosen a less homoerotic picture, Ms. Sickness? ''Sorry Munky. It was all I could find.''' ---- Amy Knitwear. '''Unkle Munky says -' Who the fuck is she!? ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... Return to Munky Menu...